Oh, Nuts

 <---INDEX

Systopia, August 1, 3000:

The Refugee city Systopia was in full evacuation as a Maverick Annihilation Squad launched a massive area bombardment just outside it's borders. A blue clad warrior yelled, “Slag!!! Now they're attacking Refugees?” He ducked into a building as a large blast destroyed the spot were he was just standing. A Blonde man in a blue and red outfit identical in design dove in with him. “ Gee, Rock. You think? I figured this was going to happen now that we teamed up with those rebels.” Rock sighed. “They're attacking us with everything they have. I'm flattered,” He muttered sarcastically. He tapped the comm over his ear and yelled, “Peril! Reckless! Quickman! Report!”

After a moment of silence, He repeated his order. Again, there was no answer. Growling, he snapped, “Jacob Michael Thompson, Wesley Ronald O'Connor and Dash 107 Beta!!! One of you had Better reply right now!!!” After more silence, Rock yelled, “Zero, Go find those three and find out why they won't answer!” The Blond Reploid said, “Oh, that's easy. They're in the building across the street... But I'll have to ask them later.” Young man looked across the street and saw that the building his missing teammates were in had collapsed during the bombing.

"Those three are a pain in my Dim Ram Output!” Zero nodded and replied, “I know. Well, there's always option B.” Rock let out a smile and readied his two Buster Rifles. “I could live with that.” Zero drew his Auto Buster Pistols smiled and ran into the streets, saying, “Let's Rock.”
"Hey!” the other warrior yelled angrily. “No stealing my lines!!!” After a brief pause, he muttered, “I have half a mind to give him I-D-TEN-T points for that.” With that, he ran out after his companion as he finished, “but the other three have too big a lead”

As he dodged artillery rounds on an intercept with Zero, the red clad warrior yelled, “What's taking you so long? Busy deciding whether or not to give me a few points?” An explosion sent Rock flying headfirst into the rubble his partner was hiding behind. “That's twenty for you and another fifty for style!” Rock up with a groan as he grumbled, “Don't remind me.” Zero laughed and yelled over the noise, “What's the score on the Three Stooges?”
"Jake's at six hundred, Wes eight fifty-two and Dash has lead at Eighty-K!” Zero let out a low whistle. “For the pinball thing while rushing the line?”

Rock laughed and said, “Eighteen building and an exploding fuel truck is a lot of style points in one FUBAR.” Quickman suddenly appeared beside them and said, “Wow. That was a mess. Who's winning?” The two Reploids pointed at him and he muttered, “Dim Ram. I'm going to draw their fire!” with that, he vanished. The duo counted from three. At zero, Fleet footed warrior crashed into another building.” Rock and Zero stared at each other blankly. “Idiot...” the swordsman muttered. “How do you draw fire in an area targeted for a ten block Hammer-down?” Rock shook his head in surrender and replied, “Gave up a month ago. Now, how do we take out those guns?”

As if in answer, a massive wall of fire shot across the artillery line, destroying the weapons that were reigning fire around them. The two of them looked at the devastating blaze and in unison, muttered, “Slag...” Wes and Jake joined the duo, admiring the sudden silence and the devastation to the enemy lines. Wes let out an exasperated sigh and turned to his partner, saying, “Damned well took him long enough.”
"Who cares?” the white garbed soldier replied. “He did it, didn't he?” The Reploids looked at them confused. Jake smiled. “Another archetype... more specifically, My son.”

Rock raised his hand  as he tried to wrap his head around the whole fact that there was actually, yet another archetype in the Lode Runner Unit. “Wait a minute! You're telling me there's more that two of you? How many are there? In total, if you don't mind. I'm not in the mood for a list right now!” Wes laughed and replied, “He's the third. Also the last. His name's Jackson Thompson, Jake's ten year younger brother, of course, like us, he hasn't aged after the Striker Program that made us. He was equipped only for the purpose of a demolitions specialist. We gave him the call sign...” He was cut off by a teenage voice said, “Hey, Dumbass! Bomberman checking in! Took out the guns!!! You said it would be tough!!!”

Jake sighed and replied, “Did you do a head-on assault? No? Then shut up!” The teen replied, “Yeah? Well now their heads are off, Jerk! Only a complete idiot would take those things head on! You jokes prove it!!!” Zero looked at Jake with a twitch in his eye, saying, “Quite the mouth on that brat.”
"Yeah...” Rock added, his twitching far more severe. “I have half a mind to weld it shut.”
"Half a mind?” the voice laughed. “You give yourself w-a-a-a-a-a-y too much credit, ya over-glorified trash compactor!” Dash, Jake, Wes and Zero grabbed the now psychotically enraged warrior as he yelled, “I'm going to terminate your functions ten thousand times to next Sunday, you little sh-sh-shi-shi-shi...!!!” Fear crossed all of their faces as not only were they still moving forward, but he had actually gotten so enraged that his censor program was starting to fail!

 Zero yelled, “I think we'd better do something fast, 'cause not only is he serious about killing the twerp,  but it's beginning to look like he's starting to pick up speed!” It was true! His pace was drastically increasing as he headed towards the arson-addicted teen. Jake yelled, “Don't you guy have a shut down program? A master reset? A pass code? A Freaking light-switch???” Rock now loomed over the teen who looked terrified upon witnessing the crazed expression and psychotic, hysterical laughter. Zero yelled, “Bugger this! Rock! Game time, I go first!” He lunged between his partner and the teen and wound his leg back, yelling, “ROCK-SHAM-BO!!!!” For the un-expecting Reploid, that was the moment the world filled with stars, then went black.

In the darkness, Rock could only hear the world. “Bloody hell, that was close.” Wes sputtered, “Whoa! You Reploids can actually feel down there?”
Dash answered, “Well, yeah. Except for additional components and an aging process that's ten years slower, we're just like humans. We can even produce children.” Bomberman chimed in, “Bow-Chika-wow-wow.” The four simultaneously roared, “SHUT YOUR TRAP!!!” 
党You guys don't scare me!” The teen boasted, before finishing, “Little boy black-and-blue there is another story...”